11:33 pm - Saturday, Jul. 05, 2003
The times, they are a' changing
What a difference a year makes. Or a year and a couple months. This diary amazes me, because I've stuck with it. And there have been times (especially last summer) when I was MIA for a long time, but I've stuck with it. Actually, both A and I have been writing for the same amount of time. And it's amazing because enough time has passed that I can go back to my earliest entries, and I can see how much I've grown. I have the advantage of hindsight, and it's so interesting because whereever you are in your life - you always feel like you must be at the height of your maturity and your knowledge. You feel like who you are is WHO YOU ARE. But looking back I realize that I'm a work in progress, things are changing. And although I can't see it in a day, or a month, or maybe even 6 months... I'm shaping and stretching and changing and I'm fascinated by it. It makes me wonder what kind of person I'm going to be when I graduate, or in 5 or 10 years. Makes me wonder who will walk into or out of my life... how I'll have gained or lost. I read both Alana and my early diary entries, and I felt so nostalgic. Not that I want to go back to the day of first year exams, but nostalgic for the simplicity of our relationships - with boys, with Em, with eachother. Now there are so many layers to everything, as we keep putting history behind us, we add dimensions and experience to our relationships. Look at M and I, and B and A... so much depth. Lots of memories, and alot of maturity. Often I think that it's maturity beyond our years, but again, it's hard to tell. It's one of those things that I'll only be able to judge when I look back on it. Frusturating stupid hindsight.
I went out today, but felt sleepy and anxious. I can't even enjoy my weekend because I dread monday so much, dread another full week of workdays and exhaustion and not having time to catch my breath. I didn't wake up until about 2. Em and I went downtown at 5, and I spent about 80 bucks of my paycheque at the GAP on some really cute stuff, and then bought the Erotic and the College editions of Magnetic poetry. I went to the second cup and bought a Tiamo...it was fantastic. Mailed a package and picked up stuff for my little personal taco night tonight. Tomorrow I plan to relax, clean, and get my shit in order for next week. It's so frusturating having a filthy bedroom, and all of my stuff everywhere, and not having the time or energy to keep track of it all. I'm trying my hardest.
Not much else. I mean, I have more to say, but it can wait for another entry, as it's getting late. Late late. I hate hate Jumbo video, but that is another story for another entry as well. Perhaps more tomorrow if I get a good sleep tonight. Cheers.
