11:37 pm - Monday, Sept. 22, 2003
really depressed the last few days
I'm pacing with no production. Excited yet apprehensice about everything. Sleeping too much and missing too much, putting things off until the last minute (already!), feeling nothing, feeling weak, feeling overwhelmed. I need my money so badly, I feel trapped without it. I want to get to the y with marcus. Soon. I need to move myself again. Acting is so hard, and I don't know if I can keep up! wishing that there were words right now, things that I'm reaching for and cannot find. I feel as though I'm waiting for something important to happen, and until then I'm in an odd sort of limbo. My mom says it's the weather. I think it's not enough motivation. Not enough veggies. Whatever. Things are better in the house, but nothing is better within myself. I just need one productive day where everything goes right to redeem myself. I'm waiting for it. Nothing else to say. Marcus and I bickered this afternoon for the worst reasons, and it was unfair to both of us. I just want to get something done with my life. No more of this waiting shit. I need to hand something in, or sign on the line....make it all official. Shit is still up in the air. I've got to move on.
