8:31 am - Monday, Oct. 20, 2003
Head Gael
I got it....I got head gael. And the horrible truth is, I really don't know how I feel about it, after wanting it for so long. I don't really think that I understand the implications of the choices that I'm going to be making. I don't think any of it has sunk in yet, except (and this is weird) for relief. I feel so much relief. I feel relief that I'm not feeling scared anymore, relief that I don't have to wonder, and stay up late. Relief that right now I am feeling relieved and not sad and let down. On the other hand, I'm also feeling overwhelmed, just with work, marketing stuff, essays, class, and now head gael. I took my name off of the list for crave auditions. I would be going nuts if on top of all this, I had to go to rehearsals every night. but it made me sad. I think that I would have had a chance. So the choice has been made, and I am happy. I am. But I think that the happiness comes later, after everything has had a chance to settle. I need to clean out that office. I need to pick my chairs. I want them so bad, a team to bounce things off of. I hope that there are people out there that want to work with me!
Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. I figure that I would be truthful with you. I feel like everyone is even more excited than I am, and that is a surreal feeling. But I'll come into my work and my feelings in my own way, and until then, I'll smile and feel relieved that my life has been so good to me. I'm off to write an essay. More later.
