1:21 am - Friday, Oct. 31, 2003
Zen
Long time since I've been here, and I miss the solice of a friend that doesn't want me to sew costumes or photocopy posters for them. Just someplace that's quiet. I think that I need to meditate tonight when I go to bed - I've got a lot of negative energy right now. I wish that I could funnel it down a bit into something calmer. I have an assignment due for 330, which I'll work on in the morning. I am full of ideas and new people and experience, but lacking in taking care my mental state. Amanda said it best tonight - I'm fine as long as I don't think about anything. Adair told me that I should be rounding the corner soon, and getting to the light at the end of the tunnel...the time where the to do list gets a little bit smaller every day. That idea is exciting. I have made myself sick in the process however. Sick tomorrow, I can tell already. And I feel like I am running up against brick walls. I miss my family. Too little genuine love here, and too much concern for the self, the amazing adventures of the self..people get so wrapped up in it. Perhaps I do. But I am reaching out with something genuine to offer to other people. I'm putting my heart into my work and into my life right now. My relationship with M has never been better...there's a calm sense of being when we're together. In the words of Tim - very zen. I like that idea. Moving intutively towards what feels right, and away from what feels chaotic. I think that for the next week, I'm just going to focus on zen. Understanding that everyone is as stressed as I am in this production, and moving towards the end. Just getting things done. Here's to lifting eastern spirituality for my own materialistic good.
Well. I am going to bed, hopefully for a moment of calm before I fall asleep.
