1:09 am - Friday, Nov. 28, 2003
Fear and Fen Shui
I'm not sure that I believe in fen shui, but I feel so much more energized now that I have rearranged my room. Never mind that I've dropped out of one of my clasees, have missed 4 labs in a row, everyone in the drama department thinks I'm sick (because oh no - noone in drama skips class!) and I am still behind on my head gael stuff, and sleeping until 3 in the afternoon, avoiding the calls from Jumbo Video saying my movies are three weeks late.. no life is just fine. As long as I don't think about anything. Am I the only person in this school that feels as though my life is going to shit? Like I am so barely in control of my academic career that I am avoiding going to school all together? I need to do some serious regrouping for next semester. It was the bloody rivals that threw me off, and it all went downhill from there. Back on track - tomorrow? I hope so.
But yes... I did rearrange and clean my room. And two loads of laundry to boot. So there is a silver lining to every thunder storm that seems to loom over my head.
Part of me just wants to go home. My mom's doctor found a lump, and although she is telling me not to be scared, it still creeps me out. I don't like not knowing... don't like having things out of place. It kicked me into a foul mood - mostly because I'm really scared. And also because I just am feeling foul. She doesn't find out until monday if it's malignant or not, but she is really remaining optimistic about it.
So that.. I dunno. That's where I'm at. I guess I need to sleep. No more skipping pills... it really fucks me up. More this weekend.
