5:39 am - Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2003
Staying up too late for my own good
I really like having time to myself, when the phone doesn't ring, noone is online and the house and the world around me is quiet and dark. I am rarely productive in these moments, but I like to wanter around the internet, organize, clean, read, write, reflect. I guess what I am getting to is that maybe I like this time too much - it is now 5:41 in the morning, and I need to go to bed. I have so many things that I want to get done, and staying up all night doing nothing so that I can enjoy the solice of being alone is really not accomplishing anything. Hopefully tomorrow will not be a late night - I have 10 questions left to study for my exam Thursday morning. After I write, I have a paper due friday, and an exam the following wednesday that is due (take home).
There is a mark on the wall to my right that I always think is a spider, no matter how many times I glance over with my heart pounding after swearing that I saw it move, it has yet to be anything but the same mark on the wall.
My room is a mess. Has that been happening more often lately? It is because I don't like my room - so small, no color on the walls, nowhere to put anything. I wish so badly that I had a real bedframe, something nice and wooden, with a footboard to keep me safe. Or even a real mattress. But the reality is that I'm not staying in this province after graduation, and it becomes stupid to make any purchases that can't be shipped back home after.
I'm really tired now. Maybe that's why I stay up so late - to exhaust myself. Marcus is coming over for lunch tomorrow. I should have gone back to his place with him - I would have gone to bed instead of dick around all night. I should have been productive. I need to wake up tomorrow, and not sleep until work. It seems sad to waste an entire day sleeping, but I guess that I got that same time tonight, sitting in my room.
More tomorrow, or after my exam.
