7:36 pm - Monday, Mar. 08, 2004
Anarchy?
What a life! I keep searching for something more, but I find that the harder I try, the more mundane that everything becomes. I crave time to myself. I crave to be caught up on my work... I am inspired by everything lately - every piece of nature or book or movie or play or person that I meet stirs something deep in me, makes me want to get in touch with everything that is spiritual and existential and alive. But it is so fleeting, and I have no idea how to move from where I am to this ideal place that I feel like I am so close to being at.
I have work to do, but things aren't bothering me. OCD? Comes and goes. This lingering depression that I am in may be a side effect of the pills.. what a scary thought. I keep trying to turn out lights and make things happen, but I know now that the magic happens when noobody is trying or even paying attention. I am waiting to feel as though the magic is happening to me. Still waiting.
I'm going to clean my room in the intern... seems like a good solution to finding some organization in the chaos.
B
