4:50 pm - Thursday, May. 06, 2004
Empathy
Who knows how life is going to turn out? All that I can be thankful for is the sunny day, and for the love that I have in my heart for now... but these things can never really be counted on. We make all these plans and try to compartmentalize every little piece of our existence into an agenda... a schedule... but all that you can count on is that the sun is going to come up tomorrow, and everything will be different and new. You either stay strong and swim with the current, or let yourself sink because the plan is dead. It's all so unnatural .. trying to structure ourselves in a way that we see is civilized. There is not certanity in the things that we wind our entire lives around - how fair is that? But who define's what is fair?
All I know is that the only things that I can control are my actions and decisions ... but never the world around me. Computers break, people stop loving eachother ... but you can't brood on what went wrong. Keep looking for the sunrise, y'know? Cause it's the only way that you'll ever survive and have the chance to enjoy what you've got.
I just don't know anymore. I feel like leaving - leaving with my mom and stripping ourselves of the things that we hung on to - because they don't define us. I feel bad for her, but all that I can do to help is to tell her that I know she is strong. We're a tough family, and have been through a lot together. but when you put it into perspective ... well, I just know that it's all going to be okay.
